How to Get Rid of Ants Naturally
When ants invade your personal space, its tempting to rush straight to the nearest supermarket and buy the biggest baddest bottle of spray death that you can find. But wait! Have you considered other more natural methods? Its well known that ants are averse to organic vegetables, and therein lies your answer. You see ants have evolved over recent years to rely on the preservatives and additives we use in our foods in order to give them super strength way beyond their size. Ants have only been able to lift over 1000 times their body weight in the last 25 years or so. Before that they were not very strong at all, possibly only able to lift half of their mass. So what we have is a situation where ants HAVE to invade our homes in order to obtain the chemical nutrients that they are addicted to. There is no way an ant wants to return to its early weakling stage, so, as a group they will stop at nothing to get at our food laced with chemical addititives and preservatives. The solution is to fill your larder with purely organic fruit and vegetables, and make sure that any other [...]
Ants and Honey
Ants like honey almost as much as Winnie the Pooh. They like it so much that you would think they would prefer to be actual bees. But ants are not remotely like bees and they probably lead their whole lives in quiet desperation wishing for wings and pollen collecting legs. That’s why if you really want to get rid of ants you should feed them honey, laced with things that might make them go away. Its important though that the additive you choose have a nice taste, as ants are honey connoisseurs and will quaff their little noses at anything that is not top class. Truffles and caviar are both possibilities. Smoked salmon might be a viable substitute. Once you have mixed your honey with your ant controlling ingredients you should place big dollops of it all over their ant tracks. Don’t place it in places where children or animals might lick it. This stuff is too good to waste. Bacon may also be used, but only with toast and a nice cup of tea on the side. Ants definitely do not like bacon or cups of tea. Then its time to relax, sit back and watch the ant feast [...]
Dealing with Giant Ants
Giant Ants can be a problem around the home. For a start, their size can tend to put a damper on any family barbecue. Watching Uncle Ernie be snatched up in the pincers of a rampaging creature will bring that game of backyard cricket to an early end. Totally inconvenient. One approach could be to copy the attack style of cavemen as seen in films such as 1 million years BC. Pointy spears can be effective, even though you may have to sacrifice a few of your nearest and dearest during the battle. Eventually you will win, usually when Uncle Ernie is once more snatched up in the pincers and takes the opportunity to heroically plunge a spear deep into the head of the beast. Another approach could be gather up some ropes and run around the giant ant in circles, to tie up its legs while staying well beyond the formaldehyde spraying zone at the rear. Often the giant ant will succumb, emitting some kind of ear piercing squeal as it crashes to the ground exhausted. Watch out for the Queen though (she’s the one wearing the crown). In classic Hollywood style she will only appear after all the [...]
Using Hot Water for Ant Control
As an ant eradication solution some people swear by pouring boiling hot water down ant holes. The theory is that if the ants get washed away and boiled then they will never bother you again. The truth of the matter is that the ant colony, advanced as it is, with precognitive super powers has already taken account of this and has prepared well for your assault by piping your steaming hot kettle of death water into their spare colony water storage tanks, ready for a nice warm bath for all the worker drones at the end of a long pantry raiding day. The ants that seem to be running around in sheer panic as you do this are actually wearing teeny-tiny heat retardant suits. If you had a microscope you might actually observe some ants enjoying a ride in the rivers of steaming hot water on inflatable tubes. Its a sport and entertainment at the same time for them. Those that actually appear to die are well-paid actor drones, or stunt drones, personally appointed by the Queen. Even though you might later toast your success because you don’t see the ants again for a while, this is because all the [...]
Deodorant Based Insect Control
As soon as you see hordes of ants invade your bathroom its tempting to reach for the first available aerosol and start spraying wildly in all directions. While this may temporarily disorientate them, perfuming them to death may not be ideal. For a start ants navigate by smell, so if they ever want to come back again then they only have to follow their little noses straight back to the mature waft of Brut 33 or Rexona. Many Deodorants actually contain alcohol so you might actually encourage the more uncouth drunken party ants to head back for another swig later. Drone ants have notoriously boring lives and the only way they can break the routine is by making humans scream and jump up on chairs. It’s their equivalent of ‘cow tipping’. Deodorants are also an expensive approach, because they are so costly to buy, whereas insect spray can be had for very little. It is not recommended that you substitute fly spray for deodorant. That can only lead to trouble even though your armpits will be exceedingly clear of all insect infestation.
The Vacuum Cleaner Method
One of the fastest and most satisfying ways I know of getting rid of ants quickly is the vacuum cleaner. You just switch it on and suck up all those creepy little things. Of course if you are not careful then they will also set up home in your vacuum cleaner bags, but a quick squirt of something insect-deadly into the nozzle should sort that right out. I also use this method for giant spiders which make a satisfying clunk as they fly down the vacuum pipe. Again, you may need to use spray insecticides to finish off the dastardly deed. If you are really scared that your ants or spiders will rise from the dead in the middle of the night and then stagger from within your vacuum cleaner like insect zombies into your room to feast upon your eyebrows in revenge then it may be appropriate to tape a small freezer bag over the end of the vacuum cleaner nozzle to prevent escape. However, larger insects might be able to bite through that, so a latex condom may prove to be a tougher barrier, and of course will require no sticky tape to hold it on. Don’t forget [...]